Monday, July 24, 2006
Racism is ugly.
But it infects many Americans. Ask most gay American men what words come to mind when they hear the word "Japanese" or "Chinese" or "Cambodian" or "Vietnamese," and unfortunately most of the words which come to mind will be racist: Inscrutable. Feminine. Quiet. Shy. Skinny. Frail. Scheming.
Racism in the United States works to emasculate Asian men of all ethnicities. The most frequent comment you'll hear from non-Asian gay Americans, upon seeing an Asian face, is: "He's too feminine-looking for me."
But Asian men are not feminine-looking. They are men. Strong, virile, masculine, proud, aggressive, powerful men.
I dare anyone to look at these men and deny their handsomeness, their immense masculinity, their powerful sexuality.
I cannot.
But it infects many Americans. Ask most gay American men what words come to mind when they hear the word "Japanese" or "Chinese" or "Cambodian" or "Vietnamese," and unfortunately most of the words which come to mind will be racist: Inscrutable. Feminine. Quiet. Shy. Skinny. Frail. Scheming.
Racism in the United States works to emasculate Asian men of all ethnicities. The most frequent comment you'll hear from non-Asian gay Americans, upon seeing an Asian face, is: "He's too feminine-looking for me."
But Asian men are not feminine-looking. They are men. Strong, virile, masculine, proud, aggressive, powerful men.
I dare anyone to look at these men and deny their handsomeness, their immense masculinity, their powerful sexuality.
I cannot.
# posted by Tim : 7/24/2006 11:59:00 PM
Comments:
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Thanks so much for this post. I have been enjoying reading your blog for a while now, but this post really made me sit up and take notice (and for more reason than the hotties in the pictures!). As someone who frequently has dated Asian guys, I am often frustrated by comments I hear from others that are rude and sometimes, as you mentioned, racist. I mentioned your blog and this post on my blog, on which I made some related comments a couple weeks ago in posts here and here. Anyway, thanks for the post and for saying something not enough people say!
You have said some very pertinent things in this post. What you have said may as well go for Australians as well.In many ways, I see what happens to my partner, who is Japanese. More commentary like yours should find its rightful place in the blogosphere. I'm going to mention your piece on my blog. It is just so salient.
Great site, by the way.
Great site, by the way.
Gosh, well, thank you both. (Geez, now I'm blushing!)
I so often hear guys try to defend their unconscious discriminatory attitudes by engaging in what ethicists call "confessional behavior."
When someone confesses, they say only what they have done. They do not blame others, they confess.
This same behavior can be used to defend discriminatory views.
How often have I heard men say, "Well, I like tall men." As if no Asian men were tall. Or, "I like muscular guys." As if no Asian men were muscular. So often, the discriminatory blinders are there but unseen. The individual is so used to them that he cannot see that he has them any more. So he "confesses" his physical likes without realizing the stereotyping he is engaged in.
But confessional behavior occurs in more malicious ways, too.
I've seen men look at an African American and say, "I hate big, broad noses." I've seen men look at an Asian American and say, "His face is so feminine-looking, I don't like feminine-looking men."
They never quite realize that the way society has TAUGHT them to dislike broad noses or to dislike almond-shaped eyes. They buy into the discriminatory standards of human beauty without realizing that they have, or why they have. They accept an often-racist society's standards of physical beauty (which, amazingly!, mirror that society's own ethno-racial background) and never think about why those standards of beauty are accepted.
Makes me grind my teeth.
I so often hear guys try to defend their unconscious discriminatory attitudes by engaging in what ethicists call "confessional behavior."
When someone confesses, they say only what they have done. They do not blame others, they confess.
This same behavior can be used to defend discriminatory views.
How often have I heard men say, "Well, I like tall men." As if no Asian men were tall. Or, "I like muscular guys." As if no Asian men were muscular. So often, the discriminatory blinders are there but unseen. The individual is so used to them that he cannot see that he has them any more. So he "confesses" his physical likes without realizing the stereotyping he is engaged in.
But confessional behavior occurs in more malicious ways, too.
I've seen men look at an African American and say, "I hate big, broad noses." I've seen men look at an Asian American and say, "His face is so feminine-looking, I don't like feminine-looking men."
They never quite realize that the way society has TAUGHT them to dislike broad noses or to dislike almond-shaped eyes. They buy into the discriminatory standards of human beauty without realizing that they have, or why they have. They accept an often-racist society's standards of physical beauty (which, amazingly!, mirror that society's own ethno-racial background) and never think about why those standards of beauty are accepted.
Makes me grind my teeth.
Hi Tim,
I recently placed a copy of your post on my blog. I received a comment today along the lines of "and they're great in the sack" and "I like playing with them". It was posted anonymously, which I feel uncomfortable about, and made such direct commentary about what came across as a sexual commodity I felt very uneasy about having on my blog's comments section. I was curious to see if a similar comment appeared here.You made an extremely salient point in your posting. I feel that highlighting only the sexual qualities of any race is ultimately discriminatory and misguided. Am I over-reacting? Were I to have the power to moderate comments, I am debating whether I should remove these comments.
Take care!
I recently placed a copy of your post on my blog. I received a comment today along the lines of "and they're great in the sack" and "I like playing with them". It was posted anonymously, which I feel uncomfortable about, and made such direct commentary about what came across as a sexual commodity I felt very uneasy about having on my blog's comments section. I was curious to see if a similar comment appeared here.You made an extremely salient point in your posting. I feel that highlighting only the sexual qualities of any race is ultimately discriminatory and misguided. Am I over-reacting? Were I to have the power to moderate comments, I am debating whether I should remove these comments.
Take care!
I have not gotten such a comment on my blog.
If you do not wish to permit anonymous comments to your blog, you can turn that feature off in the Settings tab.
Dehumanizing people by treating them as (sexual) pieces of meat is a common problem.
Many times, a person will use a sort of short-hand: "He's one hot Asian (or Latino or African or...)!" Is he commoditizing that Japanese guy? Perhaps, perhaps not. The comment has to be taken in the context of other statements he's made. It's also worthwhile to just ask him what he really thinks of Asian men.
I hesitate to make judgment calls in this medium because Blogs and comment sections are notoriously narrowing. Posting a nude image of a hot man invites comments about his physical beauty -- not his intelligence, personality or heart (factors which can rarely if ever be known unless you meet the model in question). Even asking someone what they "really think" more often than not invites long discourses on physical attributes, because it's hard to get outside the preconceived, narrow confines of the discussion (e.g., it's a nude picture Blog or a sex-fantasy LJ or whatnot).
I think it's more appropriate, perhaps, to post your own response. If the poster becomes abusive, turn off the "anonymous" feature. It's your Blog, after all. Not theirs.
If you do not wish to permit anonymous comments to your blog, you can turn that feature off in the Settings tab.
Dehumanizing people by treating them as (sexual) pieces of meat is a common problem.
Many times, a person will use a sort of short-hand: "He's one hot Asian (or Latino or African or...)!" Is he commoditizing that Japanese guy? Perhaps, perhaps not. The comment has to be taken in the context of other statements he's made. It's also worthwhile to just ask him what he really thinks of Asian men.
I hesitate to make judgment calls in this medium because Blogs and comment sections are notoriously narrowing. Posting a nude image of a hot man invites comments about his physical beauty -- not his intelligence, personality or heart (factors which can rarely if ever be known unless you meet the model in question). Even asking someone what they "really think" more often than not invites long discourses on physical attributes, because it's hard to get outside the preconceived, narrow confines of the discussion (e.g., it's a nude picture Blog or a sex-fantasy LJ or whatnot).
I think it's more appropriate, perhaps, to post your own response. If the poster becomes abusive, turn off the "anonymous" feature. It's your Blog, after all. Not theirs.
Hi guys
I am a Korean gay guy lives in Ireland, I have never posted any formal blog before but after I have read about other people's sexual racism experience in gay community, I feel I need to write something about it. First of all, please excuse my English as English is not my mother tongue, second of all my opinion is based on my personal experience, so it might contains bios.
I came to Ireland in 1999, during that time, there wasn’t any negative comments like “No fats, no fems, no Asians” on the gaydar. About 2 years later, there’s more and more racism comments about Asian and coloured people. I was really hurt and it makes me feel unwanted just because my skin and racial feature. But I’m more shocked as I always consider gay community as my own family and friends; they are the people who can understand and trust. Since then my view about gay scene changed a bit, my confidence just not the same as I used to be, I feel unsafe sometimes in the gay bar. This really bothers me, eventually I told my boyfriend ( he is Irish) what’s going on in my mind… He looks so guilty and sad although it wasn’t his fault, he holds me really tight and he told me he will help me through this. He is going to help me find out why some GAY men are so nasty to his Asian boyfriend.
Type one-Mummy’s boy
Fact: some gay men just really in secured about themselves, They don’t consider their gay people with colour as a family, instead they think we are competitor. maybe the man they like got taken by Asians before? Their boyfriend dumped them because he find there’s a nicer guy apparently is asian? Or maybe my boyfriend is too sexy and they haven’t got one? During the Second World War, there are gay guys like this, save themselves by giving away other gay man’s home address to German army. I call these people insecure and selfish.
Type two- Cant get a life and not that straight acting
Gaydar has the section allowing you to describe what you are looking for, ok guys, there’s no section asking you what kind of guys you don’t like, ok? Some guys describe themselves easy going and very straight acting, then they write in the “what you are looking for” section : I am NOT looking for old, NOT asian , NOT fat, Not fem, oh by the way, just NOT my thing , no offence.” It just makes me laugh so much, you write down everything you aren’t looking for in the “what you looking for section”. Oh by the way, no offence? Lol one day you are going to get old, what are you going to do? I haven’t notice any straight guy in a dating site leave any comments like: “ok ladies, let’s get ready for me. I am very straight acting and I don’t fancy Asians, fat people, old ladies, black ladies, manly ladies. No offence, I am very straight acting, please feel free to contact if you aren’t the people above” LOL not that straight acting. My boyfriend used to have gay friends like this and they aren’t straight acting at all, trust me.
Type three- revengeful copy-cat
I actually noticed huge amount of people: Who are over 35 white guys; Who are Latino or Spanish(well coloured people too) ; Who are Asians themselves. They post negative comments about other people. I really feel sorry for these groups of people, in real life they got bullied by the family and the straight community, feel unwanted by the other people. So why do they doing this? The only reason I can think of is most of them not doing well in the real sex life, so they say “Fuck it, I don’t get anyone anyway, I don’t care if other people like me or not, I am a loser, I am so hurt and I want to hurt other people for my personal pleasure” True or not? Does it match you? Keep it real and think about it.
Type four- I am so sexy and I don’t like people who is worse than me, but believe me, I am a nice people. Oh yes, I am.
Most people who left the sexual racism comments are ugly, as I explained to you above. But some of them are every pretty and fit. Why do they want to inform “old”, “fem” or “coloured” people that they are unwanted then? Oh yes, they know they are pretty and they don’t like “ugly” people just like some straight guy don’t give a shit about gay man’s life. They are posh, they are fab, and they live the life you can’t even dream about. Most of them are young and they aren’t true to themselves, most of them will find trouble to live in the society in the future and eventually they find there are a lot of people who are better and even cruel and nasty. I am Paris Hilton and I am posh. LOL straight acting please.
Type five- the true racist but honey I cant admit it
Oh yeah , this is developed country, we all protected, even gays and coloured people. But honey I am gay and racist? Oh my God, what should I do? , Ok, I will just leave a comment to let those Asian people know they are unwanted and I cant let anyone think I am gay and racist as it just sound too bad. These kinds of people hurt me the most. They usually left a comments on their profile “no Asians please” then they add on “ I am not racist , I had lots of Asian friends actually and I just don’t want to waste your time, I don’t like lots of white guys also, for example the fat ones” they make me so angry ! Fact, they know an Asian guy is going to get upset by viewing this, that’s why he have to explain blah blah blah. Fact , you write down you don’t like the fat white guys, that’s bully and disrespect other people, so please don’t explain to me like that, it’s just going to upset more people. Fact about wasting my time, wasting my time or not is my decision, it’s not up to you. You have many Asian friends in real life? To your poor asian friends, they haven’t got a clue what kind of person you really are yet. If you aren’t racist, can I call you nasty queen? I think you have so much bios and you don’t even like yourself being gay.
Finally
To my gay asian brothers:
I want you to be strong, be confident, It wasn’t your fault if there’s someone try to be nasty to us. Don’t let them get you. You are the only one who haven’t realised how sexy you are.
To my gay white brothers in general:
I want to say thank you to most of you, for teaching me, educating me and protecting me. Especially Philip who just passed away, you were only 19 and you always be there for me and standing up for me. Thanks for everything, I pray for you everyday.
To my boyfriend:
Thanks for showing me a perfect man, a gentle man and a good man.
To those sexual racism people
I don’t hate you, I just want you to know, in the end of day, we all gay, I am not able to hate you. People are people, we aren’t that different. I know people have different experience in their life and some people may find it hard to deal with people different backgrounds. Fair enough, I am not here forcing you to like me but please, don’t hurt me and the other people you don’t like. In your profile , write down what you are looking for rather what you dislike. Thanking you for being a gentle man.
I am a Korean gay guy lives in Ireland, I have never posted any formal blog before but after I have read about other people's sexual racism experience in gay community, I feel I need to write something about it. First of all, please excuse my English as English is not my mother tongue, second of all my opinion is based on my personal experience, so it might contains bios.
I came to Ireland in 1999, during that time, there wasn’t any negative comments like “No fats, no fems, no Asians” on the gaydar. About 2 years later, there’s more and more racism comments about Asian and coloured people. I was really hurt and it makes me feel unwanted just because my skin and racial feature. But I’m more shocked as I always consider gay community as my own family and friends; they are the people who can understand and trust. Since then my view about gay scene changed a bit, my confidence just not the same as I used to be, I feel unsafe sometimes in the gay bar. This really bothers me, eventually I told my boyfriend ( he is Irish) what’s going on in my mind… He looks so guilty and sad although it wasn’t his fault, he holds me really tight and he told me he will help me through this. He is going to help me find out why some GAY men are so nasty to his Asian boyfriend.
Type one-Mummy’s boy
Fact: some gay men just really in secured about themselves, They don’t consider their gay people with colour as a family, instead they think we are competitor. maybe the man they like got taken by Asians before? Their boyfriend dumped them because he find there’s a nicer guy apparently is asian? Or maybe my boyfriend is too sexy and they haven’t got one? During the Second World War, there are gay guys like this, save themselves by giving away other gay man’s home address to German army. I call these people insecure and selfish.
Type two- Cant get a life and not that straight acting
Gaydar has the section allowing you to describe what you are looking for, ok guys, there’s no section asking you what kind of guys you don’t like, ok? Some guys describe themselves easy going and very straight acting, then they write in the “what you are looking for” section : I am NOT looking for old, NOT asian , NOT fat, Not fem, oh by the way, just NOT my thing , no offence.” It just makes me laugh so much, you write down everything you aren’t looking for in the “what you looking for section”. Oh by the way, no offence? Lol one day you are going to get old, what are you going to do? I haven’t notice any straight guy in a dating site leave any comments like: “ok ladies, let’s get ready for me. I am very straight acting and I don’t fancy Asians, fat people, old ladies, black ladies, manly ladies. No offence, I am very straight acting, please feel free to contact if you aren’t the people above” LOL not that straight acting. My boyfriend used to have gay friends like this and they aren’t straight acting at all, trust me.
Type three- revengeful copy-cat
I actually noticed huge amount of people: Who are over 35 white guys; Who are Latino or Spanish(well coloured people too) ; Who are Asians themselves. They post negative comments about other people. I really feel sorry for these groups of people, in real life they got bullied by the family and the straight community, feel unwanted by the other people. So why do they doing this? The only reason I can think of is most of them not doing well in the real sex life, so they say “Fuck it, I don’t get anyone anyway, I don’t care if other people like me or not, I am a loser, I am so hurt and I want to hurt other people for my personal pleasure” True or not? Does it match you? Keep it real and think about it.
Type four- I am so sexy and I don’t like people who is worse than me, but believe me, I am a nice people. Oh yes, I am.
Most people who left the sexual racism comments are ugly, as I explained to you above. But some of them are every pretty and fit. Why do they want to inform “old”, “fem” or “coloured” people that they are unwanted then? Oh yes, they know they are pretty and they don’t like “ugly” people just like some straight guy don’t give a shit about gay man’s life. They are posh, they are fab, and they live the life you can’t even dream about. Most of them are young and they aren’t true to themselves, most of them will find trouble to live in the society in the future and eventually they find there are a lot of people who are better and even cruel and nasty. I am Paris Hilton and I am posh. LOL straight acting please.
Type five- the true racist but honey I cant admit it
Oh yeah , this is developed country, we all protected, even gays and coloured people. But honey I am gay and racist? Oh my God, what should I do? , Ok, I will just leave a comment to let those Asian people know they are unwanted and I cant let anyone think I am gay and racist as it just sound too bad. These kinds of people hurt me the most. They usually left a comments on their profile “no Asians please” then they add on “ I am not racist , I had lots of Asian friends actually and I just don’t want to waste your time, I don’t like lots of white guys also, for example the fat ones” they make me so angry ! Fact, they know an Asian guy is going to get upset by viewing this, that’s why he have to explain blah blah blah. Fact , you write down you don’t like the fat white guys, that’s bully and disrespect other people, so please don’t explain to me like that, it’s just going to upset more people. Fact about wasting my time, wasting my time or not is my decision, it’s not up to you. You have many Asian friends in real life? To your poor asian friends, they haven’t got a clue what kind of person you really are yet. If you aren’t racist, can I call you nasty queen? I think you have so much bios and you don’t even like yourself being gay.
Finally
To my gay asian brothers:
I want you to be strong, be confident, It wasn’t your fault if there’s someone try to be nasty to us. Don’t let them get you. You are the only one who haven’t realised how sexy you are.
To my gay white brothers in general:
I want to say thank you to most of you, for teaching me, educating me and protecting me. Especially Philip who just passed away, you were only 19 and you always be there for me and standing up for me. Thanks for everything, I pray for you everyday.
To my boyfriend:
Thanks for showing me a perfect man, a gentle man and a good man.
To those sexual racism people
I don’t hate you, I just want you to know, in the end of day, we all gay, I am not able to hate you. People are people, we aren’t that different. I know people have different experience in their life and some people may find it hard to deal with people different backgrounds. Fair enough, I am not here forcing you to like me but please, don’t hurt me and the other people you don’t like. In your profile , write down what you are looking for rather what you dislike. Thanking you for being a gentle man.
Everyone always points to the USA. The USA is the evil. Give us a break. If your a world traveler as I am then you would see that other countries do it also. Come one guys. If everyone one was the same it would be a boring world. Thank Buddha for the differences and color's of skin, nose sizes, etc. This world would be boring otherwise. I have found that Asian country's are the worst when it comes to racism. My bf and I spend months overseas traveling between, Thailand, Vietnam and China. He is Vietnamese and beautiful. Asians come in all forms, they are very beautiful or so I think. I hate it when people talk about something they know nothing about, which is a lot of people. Give the USA a break and if your so unhappy here or feel you are being judged, LEAVE. There would be no one left because we are all judged by others. WHITE, ASIAN, etc.
Dear Kenny & Kiet
There are a few things i want to clear. ok first all, we have never said USA is evil, in fact I have a lot of good friends living in the States. Just want to make that clear.
Asian country's are the worst when it comes to racism? I am sorry if you feel that way, but have to agree we all have bios bios in certain degrees, it’s not just white bully asian/black but also asian bully asian, black bully white. I am here trying to make my point and stop this sickness. I just don’t understand why it is so important for some people to announce his personal bio to the rest of the world, (e.g. I am only interested in muscular man, no different races need to apply, lesbian, old, fat, tv/ts, girly guys are big turn off too, no offense, just my personal taste). What does it make you feel if a company put on job advertising “no gays and bisexual guys need to apply to this job, no offense) We all have experienced so much bullshits in this straight world, being a gay man myself, I know people can not change their sexuality, skin of their colour, age, disability….. I say something stupid when I’m pissed off but I never attack on any of those issues that other people can’t change.
Researches have shown people with too much hate or dislike issues, suffer from seriously psychological and social problems. In fact, 95% of human being in this world are normal and nice, if any1 have problem with you because you are gay or asian, then he’s probably more or less suffering psychological and social problems, don’t let him bother you. Move on and get over it, because they are losers.
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There are a few things i want to clear. ok first all, we have never said USA is evil, in fact I have a lot of good friends living in the States. Just want to make that clear.
Asian country's are the worst when it comes to racism? I am sorry if you feel that way, but have to agree we all have bios bios in certain degrees, it’s not just white bully asian/black but also asian bully asian, black bully white. I am here trying to make my point and stop this sickness. I just don’t understand why it is so important for some people to announce his personal bio to the rest of the world, (e.g. I am only interested in muscular man, no different races need to apply, lesbian, old, fat, tv/ts, girly guys are big turn off too, no offense, just my personal taste). What does it make you feel if a company put on job advertising “no gays and bisexual guys need to apply to this job, no offense) We all have experienced so much bullshits in this straight world, being a gay man myself, I know people can not change their sexuality, skin of their colour, age, disability….. I say something stupid when I’m pissed off but I never attack on any of those issues that other people can’t change.
Researches have shown people with too much hate or dislike issues, suffer from seriously psychological and social problems. In fact, 95% of human being in this world are normal and nice, if any1 have problem with you because you are gay or asian, then he’s probably more or less suffering psychological and social problems, don’t let him bother you. Move on and get over it, because they are losers.
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